043023- An Angry Word (Part 5) by Wendi S. Harrington

[caption id="attachment_617" align="alignnone" width="225"] An Angry Word (Part 5) by Wendi S. Harrington[/caption]

In 1994, the fairy-tale relationship that kept my friends and family gagging over the gushiness came to a screeching halt. My heart-and-soul-fate-and-destiny-everything-that-matters picked me up and slammed me into a wall.

You might ask why.

My answer would be: it doesn’t matter.

I was going to play air hockey with my cousin when he wanted me to stay home and watch a movie. But even if the reason for our argument had been more significant, I would tell you NOTHING justifies physical violence. EVER.

If your relationship does not work– LEAVE. And I don’t say that lightly. But taking physical control over another human being’s actions is not a relationship. If that is how you make it work, it is not working and you are on a dangerous path.

Looking back, there were clues. Friends showed concern for the way he spoke to me at times. Yes, everyone argues. Yes, the best men (or women) will say awful things in a heated argument. But this is different. This kind of argument and fighting is coercive in nature. It is meant to bend your will to theirs. And eventually, an insinuation will arise that echoes the “or else” behind the words.

The “or else” could be touchless forms of restraint. Disconnection of a car battery. Hiding your phone. Isolating you from friends or family. These forms of touchless restraint will almost always escalate to physical violence. For example:

♦In January of 2009, Vivian Pierce and her mother Rebecca Pierce were murdered by Vivian’s boyfriend, Damon Butler. Vivian was 28 years old and had 2 children. She was packing to leave the abusive relationship when she was murdered. Rebecca was killed when she came to check on her daughter. Police characterized the crime as a brutal case of domestic assault that had an impact on the entire town.

Because of this case, our Chief of Police has become a champion for battered women in this is surrounding communities as he leads a Zero-Tolerance force.♦

 

♥In March 2020, Jessica Espinoza was murdered by her ex, Kyon Gray. But first, he broke into her house, shooting and killing her friend in front of her children. When Jessica came home that day, she found him with a gun to her 12-year-old child’s head. He then kidnapped Jessica and forced her to help hide the friend’s body. Finally, he shot and killed Jessica, and left her body in a car. Jessica was 31 years old and had 5 children.

The murders occurred a week after she filed a protective order against Gray, where she told the judge that Gray threatened to kill her.♥

 

These stories are not rare. Speak up. Speak out. Silence hides violence. End the silence.

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.

The cases of Jessica Espinoza and Vivian Pierce are public knowledge. All information presented is readily available to the public.

These are local cases. Real-life people who were well-known in my community.

And even here, in rural OK, they are just two of many.

Speak up.

Speak out.

Silence hides violence.

End the silence.

An Angry Word (Part 5)

An angry word. Nothing left. No feelings here, just emptiness. This time kisses aren’t enough. Forgiveness is all used up. This time pain has gone too far. The wall’s complete around my heart.

And it all began with an angry word.